The struggle of retired K-pop fans

I think this is something we consider to be a part of adulting.

What used to be your whole life became something so distance to you. 

Reminiscing the old times as K-pop fan was quite a bittersweet feeling. The amount of money that I could have saved.... Alright let's not think about that. From handling or moderating certain fansites of Super Junior, 2PM, f(x), U-Kiss - just name it. K-pop was literally the only thing I do daily. 

Twitter friends are all grown up now. I still follow them on Instagram and most are at executive level now in the workforce. Those teens who used to spam and ~get jailed~ on Twitter are now real working adults with real responsibilities. 

A few days ago I encountered my old YouTube channel where I uploaded K-pop related videos. My last upload was in 2012. "Cool", I thought. Then in the Creator Studio, YouTube ~casually~ inserted, "7 years xx days ago". Then the reality came to me. 

Now is 2019 - 7 years ago I was downloading videos from Naver and DC galleries (and private Korean fansites) to be reuploaded. Yes, unethical, but what would my 18 year old ass know.

Now, just like what's written in the title. There are no real super hard struggle that downgrades my quality of life - but simply, very minor, in self identity. For years you identified yourself as a K-pop fan, suddenly you don't find the music attractive but more gravitate to the "2000s K-pop playlist". 2PM, Girls' Generation, Super Junior, SHINee, Brown Eyed Girls, 2NE1 - those were the times.

Retired K-pop fan jam

It is also sad that K-pop has turned into a mess that I just can't seem to catch up with. We also received heartbreaking news in the past few days and years which again, something that I can't understand as it is not a part of my daily life anymore.

Despite all that when K-pop news of a big scale level penetrated to the mainstream media (major scandals, suicides) gallop around my Facebook feed I just can't help but to identify as a K-pop fan. I have valid information based on my years of experiences as K-pop fan which I would like to share to my friends but at the same time it's not updated information so you could only like the post. Though for Jonghyun's and Sulli's suicide I just can't help but share my thoughts as they were a big part of my teenage years. Just a few years ago I saw them in separate events (GDA and Formula 1) in Kuala Lumpur with my own eyes so it does feel a little personal. 

Anyway, moving on. These days I don't know who are the hip group - other than NCT, and obviously BTS. Like, everyone knows BTS. K-pop are getting more mainstream in my country. You can hear K-pop songs in Malay or English or Chinese radio and that's cool in my opinion. I still remember in 2008 or 2009 I emailed a bunch of TV stations or write to their feedback forms on how they should put in more K-pop content like the educated 18 year old I am. I also used to email Yamaha Malaysia so that they take Super Junior as their bike ambassador as done by Thailand at the time oh my god such an embarassment! 

But all these teenage years naivety are giving me a good laugh now. The groups are worldwide famous now - yet I am still a potato and struggling with life but hey that's normal.